3 Golf Hacks for Playing More Golf
|Golf is a time consuming endeavor that can get very expensive. All things relative, I believe it’s worth the investment. Where else can you get the combination of fresh air, a little exercise, and fellowship wrapped in a big bow called friendly competition? Sadly, from a man’s perspective, many of us will fail miserably at partaking of this forbidden fruit. Work? That’s not a good excuse. Money? It can hinder certainly, but where there is a will there is a way. No one mandated you had to play $70 tracks every week…there are numerous ways to find bargains and specials. Can’t find anyone to play with? Yes, this is a real phenomena. If you’re like me, you played a lot before marriage, probably had a regular weekly foursome. One by one, picked off in our prime, married. Then come the children, first Scott, then Bill, then you find yourself sitting in front of the television watching golf, changing diapers during commercials. Sigh…..
It’s all okay, part of the realities of life I guess. The only guys I know that rebelled and broke through, ended up divorced with bitter ex-spouses. I told my wife straight up before we got married….”hi, my name is Stephen and I’m a golfer”. Also told her, “there aren’t 12 steps that I know of that can render a cure, you are willfully signing for damaged goods”, yet she still walked down the aisle. There are ways to keep it going even when the little ones come along and life gets real. Just always remember you need golf and golf needs you. Now this guide isn’t for the fickle golfer. If you even think you could be called a fickle golfer, go ahead, stop reading now….it’s okay, 4caddy wasn’t meant for you, I truly wish you well. If you are one of the afflicted, the kind of person that can’t wait to hit balls after work, almost as if the school bell is ringing for recess….you can hardly get out of your desk fast enough. The guy helpless to the need to shadow swing in an empty elevator because it’s mirrored. In church while praying, you might on occasion slip into that interlocking grip when the preacher skillfully segues to the Lord’s prayer. I catch myself doing that, it’s kind of sad, but it’s completely involuntary. Looking outside on a nice day, you can hear the sound, that thump of the turf, the smell of the grass as the divot cut shallow launching that pearl high into the heavens. Wow, that even got to me writing that passage. Another 4 hours till the bell rings.
So what are the 3 hacks to golf life sublime and a happy home? I’ll break them down coming from a man of experience…..my personal experience. I can also share my insight on stories relayed to me anecdotally. What I can’t do is guarantee a positive outcome if used in whole or in part. Remember the “free” part of this blog and so you can get a refund…but well, I think you get the gist.
The Ferris Bueller
If you are still in the dating stage, it’s important that you set the expectations appropriately. Capitulation killed the golfer and his ability to get out and play, well…golf. For example, let’s say the scenario below is a true account through actor portrayal:
Scott gets a text from Bill….”got a time for 8am Saturday, Zach and Charlie are in, you down? Should be fun” Scott replies- “yep count me in…see you then”. Scott knows nothing is planned for Saturday, but he’s going to let Janet know he’s playing golf with the boys. He’ll drop that golden nugget of a schedule change tonight after dinner. “Janet, got a text from Bill, playing golf with the boys at 8 on Saturday. You good?”
Everything is great, until Janet who holds an undefined resentment towards golf, shifts uncomfortably into a pout. This is so critical, apply ample emphasis and listen to the words coming out of my Mac. Emphatically, with Pit Bull tenaciousness, do not fall to this shrewd tactic employed by the cunning temptress. No disrespect intended. Janet is presumably a fine lass and I certainly don’t intend any disparaging insinuations. It’s just their nature to cajole the man out of you, locking it away in some perverse jar, a trophy of sorts. Scott’s fatal error?He asked permission to play golf. Hey man…don’t do that. It’s always better, 9 times out 10 and twice on Sundays to ask for forgiveness. Scott’s only chance at redemption is to stand his ground. He mustn’t acknowledge the pout or the change in disposition. The pro move is to jump into action. Take out the trash, load the dishwasher, mow the lawn…do what any politician would adeptly do, shift the focus to the rabbit coming out of the hat. Not the fact you will be paying more in taxes for the trick. I believe Ferris Bueller ended up a politician. That’s my own belief, I don’t need Hollywood to sully things with an ill advised sequel.
Married with Children
One of the all time great politically incorrect television sit-coms was Married with Children. Poor Peg married to miserable Al Bundy. If you are married with children, playing golf is all the more important to your overall mental disposition. I don’t suggest you play golf at the expense of family time. Family is too important and kids grow up way too fast. This trick is harder to pull off but it can be done. Your frequency of play will naturally diminish. Quality over quantity is the golden rule in your particular case. What you may have to do is sacrifice some other less important hobbies that tend to consume a bunch of your time. Watching sports is fun, but unless it’s a huge event, I’ve made the choice to forgo in order to be “present” for important family matters. Think, would you rather be doing or would you rather be watching. Over time I’ve learned that there will always be another big game. If you get out twice a month, make those outings about playing golf with the boys and not all the extracurricular things. You know, that 19th hole, isn’t a must every time. Especially if it turns into many drinks and a lost Saturday. Get on with it, settle up and high tail it home. That’s a real hack to playing more golf, as they say a “tour” move.
The Force is with you
From this man’s perspective, it’s easy to look upon your wife as a Sith lord bent on your conversion to the ways of the Pinterest. Have you ever heard this one…”Hey honey, I was wondering, I think it would be cool to paint the bathroom cabinets a warm Avocado as an accent to the tile floor. What do you think?” Make sure you keep keen control of your “inside voice” during this exchange. Sure, your first inclination is to lament what an atrocious idea that is and how you would rather get a lobotomy or watch the WNBA. Of course you cave…”Hmmm, Avocado would be different, not the worst idea, maybe that would work, you want to go get some paint samples?” You sound interested, but you aren’t because your intonation is ripe with “Man, shoot me dead, this sucks, I don’t want to, please don’t make me do it”. A gross generalization no doubt, my sincerest apologies to no one. But if it isn’t Pinterest it’s some other unnecessary evil you should try your best to avoid….or should you? When it comes down to it, you have to give a little to get a little, or in this matter a lot for a little. Along with forgoing some of your less important pursuits, maybe ingratiate yourself a bit with the keeper of the golf hall passes. Try this on for size, “Say, you think we can get a couple of samples on our way back from grocery shopping?” That’s a power play there sir….a tried and true Force move, Skywalker approved. Lend me some creative license on this one, at least enough to hang myself with is all I’m asking. Follow this logic. Wife or girlfriend wants you to engage in something they feel is important and would love to share with you. It’s the art of negotiation, the point at which you are giving to them what they need from you. It’s a need I assure you, not some exercise in perversion bent on tormenting your soul. No, I know from a wealth of experience if it’s something she would like to share with you, it’s important to her. If you acknowledge the significance with an earnest heart…..man, that is the golf hack of all hacks. Be consistent in your efforts and etching out links time will be a whole lot easier.
There, the ground rules for three solid life hacks for getting to play more golf. There are many more tools in the toolbox, but these three are my “go to” for getting out more consistently. Of these three, the Ferris Bueller is the most difficult to implement. You must be committed to the shot as it were and take dead aim. If you are indecisive or not firm in your conviction, in all likelihood you will find yourself often stymied when you really shouldn’t be. Akin to finding a wayward drive snookered behind an oak tree….Always remember, a good wife can sense fear. You give off the same pheromone lioness can smell on the Serengeti when they happen on a herd of Caribou. Don’t be dinner, but buying dinner can’t hurt. They know, they always know. This play works best pre-marriage, but can be adopted later with an increased probability at some unforeseen collateral damage, still worth the price of admission. Married with Children is a solid combination play. It pairs nicely with a dry white wine…no that’s for another blog post about wine, cheese and golf. Be Cal Ripken like when it comes to consistency and you will accumulate some real golf cache when you need it. That dude just kept showing up and they kept putting him in the lineup. Why not you?
Last but not least amongst the 3 is the Force. You hate grocery shopping….I know it, I can sense the disturbance in the Force just bringing it up. My wife hates grocery shopping too! Actually don’t know anyone offhand who enjoys going to the market for food. So that olive branch of assistance is worth more than gold. She knows I’m playing golf because of the Ferris, but she’s almost happy I’m gone if she’s not stuck picking out veggies off a list while I’m turning to 10. Well played, well played.
Hope you found these little nuggets enjoyable. If I wasn’t here to amuse you, you’d go somewhere else and that’s cool too. Drop me a line with a well timed comment below. Keep hitting them straight.